


Contentment

by Talullah



Series: Legolas Grows [1]
Category: TOLKIEN J. R. R. - Works
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-22
Updated: 2014-08-22
Packaged: 2018-02-14 06:43:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,618
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2181867
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Talullah/pseuds/Talullah
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Elrond and Legolas share a peaceful moment.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Contentment

**Author's Note:**

> I would like to express my deep appreciation for dear larienelengasse who took this piece in a rather rough state and betaed it so carefully and so quickly, not without dispensing me her ever so kind and encouraging words. All remaining mistakes are mine.
> 
> Written for the LotR All Slash Secret Santa Fic Exchange, for sian265, who asked for an Elrond/Legolas fic with no torture, graphic violence or rape.
> 
> This story is a prelude of sorts to the story I originally wrote for this challenge, [Threadbare](https://archiveofourown.org/works/2193756), which I rejected as it did not fit what I imagine Denise would prefer. Threadbare is followed by [Caramel](http://archiveofourown.org/works/2181717/chapters/4775190).
> 
> the_gwyllion was very generous and allowed me to illustrate this story with the drawing that inspired it. Do not alter, cut down or post elsewhere her work without written permission from her. To see more of her lovely work please visit her LJ.  
>    
> [](https://www.flickr.com/photos/132238694@N03/38241981232/in/dateposted-public/)
> 
> Prompts: fanfic100 prompt 086: choices.
> 
> [Disclaimer/Blanket Statement](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Talullah/profile)

**Imladris, 1702 Second Age**

There are moments in each life of such perfection that they should be captured for eternity. My Greenleaf is here, tired this dawn from another sleepless night. Despite his seemingly endless stamina, he is starting to feel the weight of over a week of sleepless nights.

I am dressed this cold morning, and I am ready to leave to yet another endless council meeting; but instead of departing for the council chambers, I sit by the window. My formal clothing and stern hair offer a sharp contrast to my lover's unruly locks and naked torso. He is scantily clad; in fact, he wears only a pair of leggings.

I should be chastising myself for being here, in this room with a naked youth to whom I made love to, but I can only feel love for him.

I am not sure if he is sad or happy. The tiniest smile seems to sweeten his lips, but his eyes are longing for something, for what I do not know. He sighs and rubs his face on my robes. "I love you," he says.

Being older does not mean one is wiser. Still, I have the presence of mind to hold my tongue. How can I tell him that I love him? How can I love him, yet I do. I know that this last week has been a torrent of mistakes; I know we both will live to regret this. But this moment is sheer perfection, and I let all those thoughts drift from my mind as the pale light bathes us.

Stroking his hair is the only action, the only thought, the only reason for living that there is on Arda for me in this moment; it condenses all the good and beauty in this world.

* * *

He was so young and impetuous, my sweet Greenleaf. The first night I found him waiting for me, in my rooms, I tried to convince him to return to his father. 'Elbereth, he is but a child,' I thought; I did not know Legolas, then. As soon as I closed the door behind me, looking inquisitively at my unexpected visitor, he started:

"Oh Lord Elrond, I have admired you even before I knew you, from the tales of your bravery. Grandfather speaks highly of you, as does father, but they never told me you were the most beautiful elf in Arda!" Realising his mistake, he corrected himself with a slight blush, "Erm, half-elf." Recognizing that that was a small compliment, he added in despair, "Ah, creature!" then smiled smugly at his cleverness.

I could not help but smile as well -- the youngster was endearing in all his enthusiasm. "Prince Legolas, it is late and your father must be wondering where you are," I said, trying to dismiss him without hurting his feelings.

"Lord Elrond I am 51 years old. My father knows I am an adult and I am free to roam wherever I want." Once again his naïveté brought upon me a mix of amusement and endearment. Somehow, he reminded me of my Elros, all fire and innocence.

I insisted, "Still, you are young and should be resting. We can deepen our acquaintance some other time, perhaps."

He was so vehement in his threats to return alone to Mirkwood if I expelled him from my company, making me responsible for all the hazards he might face on the road, that he amused me. I tried to conceal my smile and decided to prove to the youth that he had been wrong about me, that I was but an old, boring peredhel.

I taught him how to play chess. He already knew some of the rules, but had a complete lack of knowledge of even the most basic strategy. Odd that Thranduil would forego such an important part of his education, but as my acquaintance with Legolas grew, I saw his motives. Legolas did not need strategy. His heart was pure and lit by love and bravery. The Valar would always look after him and give him just reward for all the good he brings the world.

The night went on, and my brave, loving Greenleaf did his best to prove me wrong by staying awake and learning the game. It was so endearing to watch him as he tried to stifle one yawn after the other. I did not let him win any of the matches, but, despite his obvious sleepiness, by the end of the night his game had improved quite a bit.

The next morning, I left him sleeping in the chair he had taken, his golden hair looking paler in the cold morning light, and his lips forming a lovely pout. I headed for the council, feeling tired and rumpled, as I had not bathed or changed. Right before the council meeting started, I sought Thranduil.

"My Lord Thranduil, could you spare me a moment?" Thranduil nodded.

"My Lord, last night I received a visit from your son, Legolas." Up to now my intentions of having a light but decisive conversation with Thranduil were going fine, but as the dark cloud crossed his face I could see that this father would not take things so lightly. My first mistake. I tried to mend it immediately.

"The youth seems to have developed an infatuation for me, but I did my best to bore him to sleep. We played chess the whole night and he is now sleeping in my rooms. Perhaps you could send someone for him..."

Thranduil stared at me with his gravest expression. Not even in council had I seen such a stern look in his eyes. After a tremendously long pause, he said, "Lord Elrond, I see that your intentions are good, otherwise you would not be here, speaking to me thus, but Legolas is a child, a stubborn child at that. I ask you to stay away from him in the future. If he seeks you, please do not encourage him."

I opened my mouth to defend myself but he stopped me short.

"I know you do not see what has happened as an encouragement, but I am not sure he will share that opinion." Thranduil's tone became softer. "Please, Elrond, thread carefully with him."

I should have heeded his advice, of course. It was preposterous for one of my age to be courting a youth barely into his adulthood, but I was not really the suitor. In any case, I only meant to give him the affection an older friend dispenses to a younger one.

Legolas sought me on the following evening. "Lord Elrond, I have been practicing all day," he said, his eyes gleaming. "Are you too tired for a game?"

I had taken care of myself and was feeling refreshed. 'What wrong could it bring,' I thought. The thought of disappointing my young friend saddened me and a game of chess was a nice way to take my mind off the fate of Middle-earth for a few moments.

We played, but as the night went on I became more and more inattentive. The games became longer and he offered more resistance to defeat. In a couple of games, he actually made some very threatening moves. The youth was a fast learner, I could see.

On the last game, he once more brought a smile to my lips, when at the last moment I check-mated and saw that look of pure disappointment in his lovely pout. It was time for him to go to his bed. It was very late and I could not afford two sleepless nights.

He went, reluctantly, but in less than two hours I was up again.

The third night, he was there again at my door. I knew by then I should take firmer action. Thranduil had glared at me the whole day long, and if the youth had indeed any hopes I needed to cut them at the root. I let him in. We played a few games in silence.

On the forth game, he was starting to win. I could have shown him some mercy, given him the game, but he was too intelligent to fail to notice such an action. I made an aggressive move to finish the game and send him off to bed. In two moves he had won the match.

The slight annoyance of having my scheme ruined was largely offset by the pride in my student. Despite his rashness and naiveté, Legolas showed a great mind. I conceded him another game.

"If I win this game will you give me a present?" he asked.

I smiled and nodded. His self-confidence was a bit premature. We played a hard, long game, but in the end my greater experience won me the game.

What I liked most about Legolas, was the way his emotions showed so clearly on his face. In that moment he was the living image of disappointment. Trying to cheer him up, I asked him what was it he wanted so badly from me, as I led him to the door.

He hesitated, and in the faint light I thought I even saw a tinge of rose in his cheeks. He mumbled, "A kiss."

I suppose I should have been upset that he had not settled for my friendship, but I felt such tenderness for him. On an impulse, I kissed him on the cheek. "Off you go now," I said. I had to push him gently out of the room, the poor thing. That was my second mistake.

The fourth day, Legolas was at my door again. Instead of his customary simple clothes, he wore an embroidered tunic and his hair was held back by a complex pattern of braids. He smelled of perfume. He was obviously trying to impress me, and I should have been harsh and sent him immediately back to his father. However, I let him enter the room and the brazen little thing pecked my cheek.

We played. I won all the games, despite the intenseness of each match. His brashness had given him the element of surprise before, but now I was well awake and prepared for him. We played the whole night, some games were won in a few moves, others took over an hour.

By the end of the night, he had resigned to the idea that many games awaited him before he could repeat his prowess. He rose and asked, "What will be your prize then, Lord Elrond?"

I was very tired then; I was so much older than him and the human blood in me cried for sleep. I stared at him, thinking about what I should say, when the answer, 'Nothing, thank you,' was more than obvious as the right choice.

He swayed, but then made his decision. With two steps he rounded the table and leaned in to kiss me. It was on the corner of my lip. I still ignore why I reacted that way, but I turned my head and let our lips brush. It was electrifying, and it was my third mistake. Legolas sprang up, taking his fingers to his lips, surprise spreading on his lovely features. He dipped and kissed me on the lips once more before leaving the room, almost leaping with joy.

I felt jolted, stranded in my chair. I had to tell him that I already loved another. I had to tell him that I was too old for him. I had to tell him that his father disapproved and was right about it. I doubted that Oropher would revel in the knowledge of what had passed between Legolas and I. Legolas, much like myself, had duties to his people to fulfill. Gil-galad had already started questioning me about the gossip running loose. This had to stop.

The fifth night, he was there again. He sat opposite of me like in the previous evenings but did not reach for the tray. I too sat still, staring at him.

"My father says I am making a mistake," he said.

"I am making a mistake too," I replied.

"Will you..." he seemed at loss for words. "Will you insist on being wrong?"

That was Legolas, even given the time to measure his words he did not play games with them and simply said what he thought.

What was I doing? I barely knew him, he was little more than a child and no one would approve of our being together. I had already met someone who had a place in my heart as well and would be a fitting wife. What was I doing when I rose and kissed him? When I let him touch my body, take my clothes, kiss my naked skin? What was I thinking when I returned all the love he gave me? Certainly not of the day when it would end.

* * *

I always thought that if I could do everything correctly, that if I abided by my principles and considered all possible angles, all problems could be avoided, that pain could be kept at bay. This was not so. Despite the evidence, I still insisted in never taking risks, in never making any rash decisions, as if I had indeed any control over life. I had not been unhappy as such, but I had missed chances along the way.

"Peredhel, life is to be lived," was something Maedhros used to tell me in those rare occasions when he softened around us. I know he thought I spent too much time thinking. He was right, life has a course of its own and only a fool would think to fight it. Might was well let go and let the current wash over and drag us away.

I wonder if Eregion would still be standing, had been bolder. Or if I had declared my feelings to Celebrían if I would not be happily married and too busy with my wife and possibly my first child to notice Legolas when I met him, and spare us all some pain.

This love was a surprise, and despite all the pain it has caused I did not live to regret it as I had foretold. In an uncertain world, all love is worthy, even if it lasts only a second, even if it brings pain.

How a heart can harbour two loves I do not know, but why should the thought be strange? Can we not love more than one friend at a time? Do parents love only one of their children? But the ways of the world are hard to change, even if it would not hurt both my loves to have only half of me.

How could I ever convince them that they had me whole? To this day I do not know if I made the right choice or the best choice. I had loved Celebrían longer, and our marriage has brought new life to Arda, my dear children whose presence has made my life so much richer. But letting go of Legolas was the hardest sacrifice I ever made. Why let go of him and not her? I believe I could have been equally happy with him.

Did I make a mistake to let my head chose instead of my heart? All was against us, his father, his youth, my wish to have children, Celebrían's love, Gil-galad's approval, the hurt I saw in my dear Erestor's eyes, he who also loved my young prince. And the heart could never choose, of course. Still, we had some years of happiness. Maybe I was selfish. I still do not know.

What I do know is that for me, despite everything, it was worth it.

 

_Finis  
December 2004_


End file.
